Soulmates

Over the month-long winter break, Jack and I had become basically inseparable. We were going out together constantly, spending time together, really becoming closer in whatever undefinable “thing” our relationship was. I knew Aiden needed space to figure out what he wanted us to be, so I was giving it to him, though part of me couldn’t wait to see him as soon as he returned to Los Angeles.

Upon his return, we went for a lovely hike in Malibu and I invited him to an alumni event that my college was hosting in LA. While there, my friend/college crush/college fling, Caroline, whom had also relocated to LA, had the chance to meet Aiden, which I was more than thrilled about. Caroline is a diminutive, bubbly, outgoing Italian girl who always has an opinion and is never afraid to speak it. I hadn’t come out to her yet, though, so when I initially introduced her to Aiden, it was as “my friend”.

While Caroline went to grab a glass of Chardonnay, I turned to Aiden and confessed I hadn’t told her we had met on Tinder, yet apparently I had said it too loudly because Caroline, in all of her rambunctious glory, came bounding back over to us and began jumping up and down in glee, clearly in approval of the relationship.

The night, like most of mine do, turned out to be champagne-filled and full of revelrous dancing. I was happy. I was surrounded by two really important people in my life and from how well the evening was going, it seemed like Aiden and I were headed down a road that I was really excited to explore. The people I was with then, in that moment, were who I really cared about, and though Jack and I were constantly with each other, being with Aiden and Caroline made me think about him a little less; whether that was a good or bad thing I wasn’t sure about.

After a few more weeks went by, Valentine’s Day was looming and Aiden and I had grown distant again. We were seeing each other less frequently and his responses to my texts were lagging. However, thanks to a recent blogging partnership and a rose giveaway I was conducting on this very site, I had access to some really gorgeous Valentine’s Day flowers. As a token of my affection, and because I still had a key to Aiden’s apartment, I decided to leave two dozen red roses in his kitchen as a surprise, with a simple, yet tender handwritten note illustrating my affection for him with a nod to my anticipation of something more serious down the line.

That night I received a call from Aiden, thanking me for the flowers, but something was off in his voice. He didn’t have that excitement or apprehension that I found so attractive when we first met. My heart sank a little. Logic was telling me that this wasn’t going to work, but in my heart, the idealistic optimist that I am, I didn’t want to accept that something I worked hard to sustain was failing. Regardless, we made a date to “talk” the next day and discuss everything.

That night, I started thinking about soulmates. I wondered; is your soulmate the person you end up spending the rest of your life with? Or are they that one particular lover, that relentlessly passionate and amazing person whom isn’t in your life anymore, that you were so completely compatible and in sync with that it drove you mad, but it didn’t work out because the timing was off?

Who are our soulmates?

Maybe they’re our friends, maybe they’re our parents, and maybe we’re meant to have several soulmates throughout our lives, to come and go as we change and grow. To teach us lessons, show us love, to help us understand what it means to care about another person wholeheartedly, even if they don’t feel the same way about us in the end.

And going into the conversation I was meant to have with Aiden the next day to discuss our relationship and the dissolution that I knew was imminent, I realized that he was my soulmate for the past six months. Maybe I didn’t get to see him everyday, or my feelings were jumbled at first regarding Jack, or we never had this grand romantic love affair, but he showed me what love was, both to give it and receive it, both platonically and romantically. And that was something I would always hold in my heart. And though it wouldn’t be easy to say goodbye, knowing he left me with such a great gift, I hoped, would make the conscious uncoupling just a little bit easier.

The next day, with a heavy heart, I turned the key into the doorknob of my old apartment, Aiden’s current home, for the last time to end my relationship with one of my soulmates.